"It was inside of me all along."- India Arie
With my birthday approaching next week, I'm so grateful for where my life is at this moment. I'm living in my dream city, I have an amazing support system and I'm making things happen for myself that I never thought were possible. My life hasn't always been easy. We all have a story and mine is no different from any other person who came from a broken home. My birth mother was a drug addict who didn't want to be a mother so she ran from her responsibilities. My earlier childhood was filled with abuse and multiple foster care homes. Being a child in the system, you meet people who really care about children and others who are in it for the paycheck.
My food issues started from not having enough food while in foster care. In certain homes, food was a treat only given to good children. Let's just say I had more bad than good moments. Whenever I was able to eat food, I ate as much of it as I could because I never knew if I would get enough later. Eventually, I was blessed enough to be adopted by two loving people. They never treated me different, I was their daughter. They fed me more than enough, which due to my previous relationship with food was a blessing and a curse. Years down the road, I ate myself to almost 400 lbs.. I ate when I was happy, sad, and just plain bored.
That was it! I had my breaking point. I could barely enjoy my favorite activities. My three year relationship had ended and I was tired of not being able to go to some of my favorite places to eat because I couldn't fit in the booths. I didn't want to be a victim anymore. I was tired of feeling like a failure because of my past and my weight. Day by day I started to work out and write my thoughts down. The work outs made me happy and the writing healed my soul. Prayers kept me sane. It took me a very long time to change my inner self. I had to deprogram myself of negative thoughts. Sometimes we are our biggest enemy. I stopped myself from pursuing dreams because I didn't feel I was smart, pretty, or good enough to get what I wanted. I tuned those bad voices out; I moved to New York to pursue my dream of modeling. I'm not where I want to be in this industry but, I'm so proud of myself for how far I've come. I've learned to focus more on the positive than the negative; and I've always received that in return.
|That first step is always the hardest and the scariest. When it comes to dreams or goals that we want so bad we often see the risk more than the gain; we give up before we even start. If you want it bad enough you have to say fuck it and just do it!|
|As cliche as it sounds; if you don't love yourself, nobody else will. Fall in love with every flaw, quirk, crazy thing about yourself. When you are in love with you, how others feel about you don't matter so much.|
|There will be times when the only person who believes and supports you, is you. You have to become your biggest supporter. Love everything about you; cheer yourself on and celebrate your accomplishments.|
|This statement is easier said than done. After years of being told what I couldn't do, I had to reprogram my inner voice. With supportive people, baby steps and constant self reassurance you can do anything you put your mind to.|
|Laugh til you cry,wipe those tears away and laugh again. I find humor in everything. Especially those inappropriate moments. Learn to laugh at your problem|
|I'm inspired by anyone doing anything positive not only for themselves but for others. Your inspiration leads to greatness in others.|
|Dress- Vintage Dress|
Thank you for reading my story. Your support means the absolute world to me and I love you! Thank you to Fat Leopard Photography for these amazing pictures and blog editing by Kitty K Free! God Bless and inspire!