Golden Kaleidoscope: I'm fat and attractive, you should date me….I think.

I'm fat and attractive, you should date me….I think.




You want me??? Are you sure??

YES! Ladies, let’s sit down and talk about a very important topic; men and/or women being attracted to you.  I remember the first time a person, one whom I never thought would be attracted to me, approached me.  I was with a group of my friends and was dressed to the T! I had my high heels on, and my hair and makeup were on point. We were laughing and drinking when this guy approached us.  He said “Hey” to everyone, and made eye contact with me. He asked my name, and if I’d like a drink.  I literally thought he was talking to someone else, so not only did I lean to the side to be sure, but I also looked around to see who else he could’ve been talking to. My
friends laughed, and told me he was talking to me. The next sentence out of my mouth was, “Are you sure?” He said, “I think so, unless you’re crazy.”




Ladies the following questions should never be asked of someone who is interested in you:

Have you ever been with a big girl?

Can you handle me?

Why do you like me?

Is this a joke?




Fat girls used to be considered easy targets, because "obviously their bodies were ugly and we assumed they had low self-esteem and didn't love themselves". People are shocked when they see the stereotype of the low-self-esteem-having-fat-girl steadily disappearing.  It's time that all of us let those old insecurities go and get with the program! You can be considered fat and attractive to someone. It’s not some farfetched idea.  It’s the reality.

I remember having a conversation with one of my friends (let’s call him Jay) about him dating a plus-sized woman. He said he did it once, but never again. When I asked if it have to do with the woman’s body, he said, no. It had more to do with her insecurities, and "fake confidence."  They met at a party, and the woman (let’s call her Gina) was literally the life of the party.  Gina looked good, smelled great, and had the attitude of a size 4 model, which Jay was super attracted to. They went on a few good dates, but after a while it got weird. Gina kept making fun of Jay’s previous skinny girlfriends. She kept asking Jay things like, “Are you sure you like me? Can you handle me? You know I'm fat right?” At first, Jay didn't mind, but after a while it became exhausting having to prove to Gina that he wanted to be there, and that he didn't care about what everyone else thought about her larger frame.

What makes us attract such amazing beautiful people, only to turn them down, because we feel it’s some kind of a high school joke?  Maybe it is a joke. A joke that we’ve convinced ourselves and the world that we are deserving of all these things we beg for. Things like, being treated with respect, and having a level playing field with our smaller counter parts in all facets of life, from fashion to dating. Maybe we really don’t think we are worthy of these things.



As humans our tastes in everything changes. Our clothes change, our dreams change, our friends change.  Who we are attracted to throughout our lives changes too. When I was a child I crushed on cartoon characters.  In my teen years I loved boy bands and Jonathan Taylor Thomas (judge me).  Now at the awesome age of 28 (LOL) my taste in people is completely different. So why would we find it hard to believe that someone who normally dates someone smaller, taller, bigger (or whatever you want to insert there), wouldn't evolve too?  Accept that they’ve found something they're attracted to in you! You deserve everything you want and and more.  Thanks for reading!

15 comments:

  1. I have done this myself! Embarrassing now that I think about it.

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  2. ah this is great. I think we all had to hit that realization and when you do, it will be fine. I find myself not even thinking, not to the first because I am me. I am so worried about their personality than my weight.

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  3. this great read... insecurities is one of the challenges of plus size ladies. not even their weight. we judge ourself even b4 seeing ourself... we should love ourselves no matter the size

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  4. I agree with this 100%,I don't get approached by men because I've noticed that a lot of men in the past used to come right out and assume that they could do any and everything with me because I was a plus size woman. They would say, "oh well, I'm sure you don't date a lot and I know it's "been awhile" One guy even told me that I should lose 100 lbs and he would take me seriously in terms of dating. So eventually I made sure I didn't bring attention to myself when I was out. Now that I've gotten older and started wearing better things out and make up I still feel shocked when a man hits me up, it's very rare though cause I still have a resting bitch face no matter what. I think it's good advice not to ask those questions, or mention their past relationships in terms of looks and stuff. It's really not needed.

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  5. E. Michelle @ the_bangJanuary 3, 2015 at 11:22 PM

    This article was so poignant and so right on time for me!!! I had to print for the first day of my gratitude journal for 2015! I have struggled with this exact issue for the past few years and had to learn to cut people from my life who chose to perpetuate the "easy target" myth instead of rejecting those stereotypes. Thank you for this, it means so much to know that others feel the same way I do!!!

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  6. Interesting post and I actually got a laugh out of it. I don't know if to say that fatties are easy targets or what. I don't believe we men really look at fat girls in that way; as easy targets. But from my experience as someone who picks up women for a living and a sport, fat girls are harder targets than slim women. Reason for that varies but I don't have to time to get into it. But good article though.

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  7. Thank you for this post. I have done this and it stops today. I am going to seriously give the guy who has been hitting on me a chance. Thanks again!!

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  8. Fabulously said...my experience hasn't been that extreme but through most of my teenage years there was definitely a niggling feeling that intimacy was something...others did.
    Now there's a boy who literally can't keep his hands off me, soo... πŸ˜ŽπŸ‘Œ

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  9. I SOOOOOO needed to read this. I was literally in the shower just asking myself those questions about a guy who is interested in me, but why? As if I'm undesirable. I have this convo with my friends all the time too. they are constantly complimenting me and assuring me of my beauty, and I just tear it down...it's crazy that I equate beauty with size, and I am over it! Thank you! it was right on time, and PERFECTLY written....what happened to you and the guy any way? Hope it turned out well! Many blessings!

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  10. A friend of mine posted this on Facebook. I'm one of those men who loves plus-sized women. Kudos to you sis!

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  11. I needed this lots. Captain fake confidence right here haha thanks love x

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  12. this is a good article - I still don't know how to get over my issues with confidence & self esteem though. one day I was making out with this guy friend (fwb), I have been hanging out with him for a while & he asked me "what if we fall in love" & I didn't say anything I just kissed him. but after I got home & thought about it... I never thought anyone could fall in love with me! I feel so disgusted with myself! & after being raised by my very judgmental dad & being married to a very judgmental man for 14 years I have a pretty good idea of what a lot of men think of women & its really hard to think people can be different than the ones I've been around my whole life. so in my mind they think of me like I think of myself.

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  13. I have def done this cute guy tried to talk to an awkward chubby me and I ask him sooo your a chubby chaser huh... he was like whatt.. needless to say that conversation ended abruptly...lol, and he didnt look back..

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  14. I tend to do this sometimes. Doubting that guys can genuinely like you for something that they see as a flaw. But I've also came across a few that say they're interested because they've never been with a big girl before.. which sucks big time... so every once in awhile I will ask you why are you attracted to me..

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